Carli’s blog

Instead of writing my portfolio, which by now we all know I absolutely LOVE (see post below), I decided to visit ole’ faithful… enter MY BLOG! Sadly, this space has become a stranger to me. Without the “required” part of it, it’s becoming unrecognizable! The painstaking task of “getting started” is remerging and I am beginning to forget why/what I am posting…

Right. “More ‘firsts’…” In terms of my very first teaching job! Through the excitement, anxiety, nervousness and a billion other feelings about starting my seventh and eighth science teaching position at a local private school, I can’t help but think about where I have come from and of course, where I am going. I can honestly say that it wasn’t until very recently that I realized how much I have changed over the last year. More importantly, I recognize how this program and the people in it have greatly contributed to that change. I would be a totally different learner, teacher, and thinker had it not been for this program.

Yet, with all of these positive attributes, I can’t help but feel absolutely scared to begin teaching this fall. I don’t want to lose touch with everything this program stands for and believes in. I feel like I am leaving my “sandbox” and traveling around the world to enter a completely different one. I have so many questions about this upcoming year that are unanswered and will remain unanswered until I am knee-deep in it. After all, if I really want to learn how to teach, then I do exactly that… teach!

I have been struggling to keep my head above water.

Why didn’t this conversation happen two weeks ago?

I feel unprepared to write a rough-rough-draft.

Why didn’t we have time in class to discuss how to attack each principle?

I want to know how to succeed.

What does a “balance” of narrative and evidence look like? Sound like?

I want feedback. I need feedback.

Is this a preview of the rest of my summer?

I want to pull my hair out.

Will I remain sane in this portfolio writing process?

As I sat down to begin writing the portfolio principles, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I couldn’t even wrap my tired mind around what I needed to do. So, without thinking, I started at the beginning…. Number One-Content. And that’s where I lost it–my sanity, my calmness, my confidence, everything. I didn’t leave my apartment all day. Principle number one left a pretty bad taste in my mouth.

How are all of you handling this? What are your plans of attack? What am I missing?

In light of the mock interviews on Monday, I feel the need to post my gratitude for this teacher education program. Despite the hours of ranting and down right complaining that erupts weekly, I have finally seen the forest through the trees. We have done a lot of work. We have read a lot of theory. We have attempted to put the theory into practice. We have reflected. And we have reflected more. Because of this, we can articulate well-thought out responses to a variety of interview questions. We can clearly envision our classrooms and explain why they look, sound, smell and feel the way they do.

I agree that you absolutely need to know who you are interviewing with and what their school/district stands for, but I couldn’t help feeling like the words that often give us blank stares were exactly what these interviewers were looking for. And to think our Warner Lesson Plans were one of the best lesson plans ever seen felt really good (even if writing 30+ still stings).

Although it is overwhelming and there are days I want to pull my hair out because I am writing the same thing over and over and over again, I felt confident in responding to a variety of questions because I felt prepared. I believed what I was saying (or would have said) and could provide evidence for why I believed what I did. I learned that it’s important to be yourself and to let your excitement and passion shine through. We were all excited and passionate people prior to entering this program. But what this program has done is allowed us to be well-equipped excited and passionate people with an arsenal full of educational theories and first-hand experiences to use to our advantage. We want people to hear our stories.

I have been thinking about what to write on my blog all week long. Without students in my life, I am at a loss for words! Something ALWAYS happened during a week of student teaching. So although life was complete chaos, the craziness gave way to some meaningful posts and insightful reflections.

So as I sit here eating a gallon of Haagen-Dazs strawberry ice-cream, I realize that my mind has taken a serious mental break. Obviously, if that’s all I can think to write at this point I am in some trouble.

Anyway, during one of my classes this week my professor got into an extremely interesting discussion on lesson plan writing, buzz words and inquiry. The analogy she used to describe inquiry was silly but profound. She described inquiry as throwing someone into a pool who doesn’t know how to swim, watching them struggle and then teaching them how to swim. Inquiry is not giving someone swimming lessons and then letting them swim in the shallow end. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. The comment came after a discussion on using field trips to start a unit, not end a unit. These ideas go right along with “experience first” and the 6-E cycle.

In the midst of all this talk about inquiry, we discussed writing a unit plan for her class. This unit plan is NOTHING like I have experienced so it will be difficult for me to write. Perhaps the most difficult part will be writing a theoretical framework without using community of learners, social constructivism, inquiry, conceptual change, etc. I mean, is that even possible?!!! She said that in order to write a solid theoretical framework, it should describe what our classroom would look like, smell like, sound like and feel like. If we want to establish a community of learners, then we need to describe HOW we are going to do it. If we want to teaching through inquiry (which according to her, cannot be done ALL the time), then we need to describe how and when we are going to do it. Simply stating that it’s important and is the way that all students learn best is not sufficient. If we can discuss how we are going to put our theory into practice, then we obviously believe in the theory! So whether everyone at Warner agrees or disagrees, she brings up some good points.

She also mentioned something that I think we often forget to consider. No teacher education program in the entire world can prepare us 100% to become a teacher. We can only learn how to teach through teaching. That is why as teachers we are life long learners because “he who dares to teach, never ceases to learn”.

Yesterday, I finished my eight-week student teaching placement. As I walked out of the building I couldn’t help but feel a major sense of accomplishment. I felt like I had survived one of the craziest, most stressful, sleep-deprived, exciting, learning experiences of my life. It’s hard to put the exact feelings into words during a moment like this, but I felt like I could have cried, laughed and screamed all at the same time! There was a sense of relief of course, but there was also this feeling of “Wow, I can’t believe I just did that (and feel this good).” My cooperating teacher was walking out with me and said “I can still remember the last day of my student teaching experience about twenty years ago. I hope you always remember this day and how you felt.” And to be honest, I don’t think I could ever forget it.

My sixth grade students brought in flowers, individualized good-bye/we will miss you cards, gift cards, candy, lotion, etc. They even managed to throw a rather large party at lunch time. It was a great way to end my entire student teaching experience. Although I have only known them for a short amount of time, I am going to miss each and everyone of them. They are a huge part of the reason I was able to grow and learn as a new teacher. Together we formed great relationships and learned about animals and the process of doing science.

Through both of my student teaching experiences, I learned SO much about myself as a teacher, a friend, and a colleague. I have learned that the power of real reflection should never be underestimated nor absent in practice. I have witnessed the absence AND success and necessity of collaboration among ALL school employees. I have discovered that teaching is the ultimate two-way street with a heck of a lot of traffic. I have felt the impact of being real and being an actress. And I have seen kids laugh while they learn.

I am so grateful that I was provided with two great student teaching placements that offered me a safe space to try new things and at times, fail miserably. Although the future is unpredictable, I feel confident in myself as a new teacher because of these experiences but realize and welcome the unknown. The unknown harbors new learning experiences and a new roller coaster ride. I will never stop learning. I am thankful to have worked with students of different ages, different backgrounds, and different interests. They were the greatest teachers I’ve ever had.

I will be the first to admit that I didn’t like how I had no idea what was going to happen in class on Monday. And I will also admit that my heart rate drastically increased when I read the words “IMPROV”. Improv is really not my style. I am more of planner; laid-back, but structured (if the two can co-exist!).

Acting things out on the fly turned out to be quite entertaining. I was glad to to be in “class” and laughing hysterically. With everything that goes on, sometimes we forgot to do that! And it’s so important and necessary! I wish we had more time to see everyone get up and do something. It was interesting to see how people made connections between biology, earth science, chemistry and physics having no idea what the topic would be. I wish this had come a few weeks earlier-when we all needed to let our hair down!

As I sat in class listening to Nigel talk about acting, presence and the space between individuals, I couldn’t help but think about how a lot of what he was saying actually made sense (in terms of teaching and acting). We have learned about theories that are grounded in understanding the dynamics of the space between teachers and students. We have also learned a lot of about our presence as educators and learners in the classrooms. Without much intention, Nigel spoke directly to these theories while refraining from the use of those ever-present “buzz words”. Although the majority of time I don’t feel as if I am “acting” per se, I could easily relate to almost everything he was saying.

The biggest take away for me was the idea of the conversation that occurs within the space between a teacher and a student–where real learning, understanding and relationship building occur. Yet there are so many things that affect that space and that space is never static. It changes everyday. As educators, we must be aware of this space and use it to our advantage.

Thursday night was the annual science fair at my placement. Not only was it amazing to see what all of the middle school students had been working on outside of school, but it was also great to meet their parents and family members. Meeting parents for the first time sheds a whole new light on students–it almost makes the picture complete; when you walk away saying… “Now it all makes sense..” In some instances, I felt like I could close my eyes and listen to parents talk and swear that they were sitting in my class a few hours ago! Or just look at parents and family  members and know who their child was without him/her actually present!

The energy of that night at school was fantastic! It was busy. Kids were running around talking about all of the projects; eating cookie experiments, blowing bubbles, watching videos, and looking at pictures. Parents, teachers and administrators were also walking around talking about all of the projects. I was really glad to have met a lot of parents.

Despite the fact that this unit has been nothing but a roller coaster of fun, purposeful chaos, I left that night feeling really great about the unit. Numerous parents would come up to me and say my son/daughter is having such a great time in science class! They really enjoy what they’re doing! As one teacher put it, when you can get them excited and talking about what their doing in school outside of school, you know you’re doing something right! And I couldn’t agree more. I left the science fair feeling really good about myself and what I was doing (despite all of disappointments that occurred last week). I have found that feel-good moments like this make everything worth it. And they often come at times when you really need them. They give you that burst of energy you can’t find in any amount of caffeine!

Looking into the faces of 25 twelve year olds and delivering the “bad news/good news” speech was perhaps one of the most disappointing and upsetting things I was forced to do in a long time. I mean, I just met these kids and this was hard–really hard. I wanted to throw-up this morning in front of the class as they read the agenda and asked “What’s the ’situation’?”

“Well…” I started.

Our animals arrived yesterday from Ward’s. Correction. SOME of our animals arrived. The others didn’t quite make it (and by make it, I mean got totally squashed somewhere between here and California). Our vinegar eels were microscopic and our star fish didn’t look like they could hold on to life any longer. On a positive note, they were resending our animals that were killed in transit, we received a refund for our star fish, and we did have earthworms, planarians, snails, and amphipods. Although telling 6th graders about this “positive note” didn’t seem to have any kind of positive effect.

I fully believed that things could be worse. But as much as I told myself that, I still found it quite painful to tell some of my students that they wouldn’t be able to investigate their original question and that they would join another group until we could safely say the animals were here and living (for more than a few hours). I told them that if they felt ambitious and wanted to rise to the challenge, they could use another animal of their choosing and develop a new question and protocol. Some of them joined new groups, others created new questions. I used the situation to discuss with them how in life and in science we often have to expect the unexpected, roll with the punches and still learn something about ourselves as individuals and as scientists. Regardless of what I said, they ALL looked disappointed.

I had a few main concerns. The first being that they all worked REALLY hard on creating their questions and making their protocol extremely specific and now some of them wouldn’t get to see them to the end. The other (and perhaps more important) was that I felt as if I had lost their trust and faith. Did I just become a person that couldn’t follow through? I was sure hoping not but there was no way to tell for sure. I think that they understood I didn’t do any of this on purpose and that Jake and I did all we could do to deliver, but sometimes things don’t go as planned and you deal with it–you talk about it, get sad about it, learn from it, think about what you could have done differently, and then you move on. And that’s exactly what we’re doing… together.

If I had only known that salt water aquariums do not equal table salt and water.

If I had only known that salt water aquariums should be established six weeks before ANY living thing goes in them.

If I had only known that “live sand” costs more than a new pair of shoes.

If I had only written a grant.

If I had only met that 8th grader (salt water tank guru) a week earlier.

And if I had only known that the pet store employees don’t “get” middle school science.

Lesson learned? Absolutely.

This week Jake and I began to set-up the heart of our unit–the aquariums that would hold the majority of the organisms. We placed our order at Ward’s and began to research the steps and materials required for salt water and fresh water aquariums. Much to my surprise, throwing some table salt into a tank of water does not count as a salt water tank. You need live rock, live sand, protein skimmers, power heads, filters, heaters, thermometers, lights, and a bag full of instant ocean (which looked and smelled just like table salt if you ask me). Thanks to Laura and Brittany, we didn’t need to buy a lot of the equipment for the freshwater tanks. The salt water aquariums on other other hand were my worst nightmare. I regularly questioned what the heck I was doing as I scrubbed a 25 gallon aquarium in my bath tub. As the boy at the pet store told me “Don’t ever do this again.” Well, we set the tanks up. And we did the best we could do. Now all we have to do is wait and see. Our animals arrive on Thursday and that will be the true test. The lessons I have learned from this experience alone are truly invaluable: do extensive research well in advance, talk to real experts, write grants, and don’t expect anything to be easy!

On a more positive note the kids had an absolute blast with elephant toothpaste and peanut butter and fluff protocol. The elephant toothpaste really helped them understand independent and dependent variables and how to incorporate them into testable investigation questions. It foregrounded our conversations as I was able to use the terms to get them to dig deeper and be more concise and clear in their questions. The peanut butter and fluff protocol (a spin on PB& J protocol!) was great for this age group. For me, the greatest thing that came out of this experience was that they finally stopped raising their hands! Shouting out was welcomed, encouraged, and embraced.

I am nervous for this week but am for hoping for the best!

This week I was able to witness the various ways children respond to choice. The sense of ownership it creates is absolutely amazing. But before that sense of ownership develops, a lot of students go through a period of frustration and intense contemplation. Generally speaking, school is not a place where kids have a lot of choice so when confronted with options, a lot of them initially struggle to make a decision. Even after a decision has been made, they are quite hesitant to put all their effort into it for fear of being wrong. Some students on the other hand, accept the choices and run with them. They embrace everything about having options–realizing they can show what they know in a variety of ways using a variety of materials and methods.

Thanks to Jake’s creativity and hard work, him and I were able to use a menu type of activity to help the kids review photosynthesis, respiration and plant responses. Each block of students went on a dinner date with plants and ate appetizers, chose a main course, two side dishes and dessert. Their options were based on the different learning styles we have previously learned about. The menu items consisted of things like: creating posters about the relationship between photosynthesis and respiration, reading a story, role playing plant tropisms, creating outer-space organisms that were like humans and plants, and writing a letter to the president about why deforestation is a problem. As part of their dessert, students were able to present their final product to another group of students and record any feedback they received. Jake and I did the entire activity in thirty minutes but it could have been spread across two periods (similar to what LaToya did with the water cycle)!

The menu activity was very well-designed (thanks Jake!) and allowed EVERY student to become involved while working on increasing their understanding of how to make choices. This served as an opportunity for us to help students understand that we WANT to provide them with the choices and they should use the options to their advantage. It also helped me to get to know the students better. When they have the option to choose, they put a lot of more of themselves into their work which really shines through in the end! So yes, we are getting to the heart of the content. And yes, we are “looking” for certain things in the final product, but the path they take to show what they know is in their hands!